I Believe In Big Data Song (*to the tune of Friends in Low Places)

I BELIEVE IN BIG DATA*

*(to the tune of “Friends in Low Places”)

Blame it all on my age

Often on the wrong page

I don’t handle change very well Short turnaround times

And new paradigms

Are making my life living hell

And you saw the surprise

And the fear in my eyes

As the articles try to explain

The future is here

We’ll be replaced in a year

But you’ll never hear me complain

‘Cause I believe in BIG DATA

I’ll embrace it now and be replaced later By a software bot

That don’t cost a lot

My old friends call me a traitor

They’re still hanging films on an alternator Oh, I believe in BIG DATA

I guess I was wrong

It didn’t take long

For computers to learn what I do

I thought my career

Would last 40 years

I’d get a gold watch when I’m through Hey I never thought

The software I taught

Would one day make me obsolete But Bonner Guilford and friends

Tell me time and again

Retirement is really sweet!

‘Cause I believe in BIG DATA

My alternate self is in beta

I’ve been replaced

Machines are faster-paced

So I embrace automation

‘Cause I think this train has left the station Oh, I believe in BIG DATA

Guess I’ll have to learn how to be a waiter When the hospital says “see ya later” Bots don’t take potty breaks

Or make mistakes

And I’ve been replaced by BIG DATA.

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